Single Mum To Be

It's not a good night...

The ex-boyfriend (God it kills me to refer to him as that) has requested unless anything happens with the baby that I do not contact him. Its supposedly "for the best". I don't like being alone, I miss him so much. especially the thought of him being with his wife again makes me want to kill him and cry at the same time!

He's also told me I can expect about £30 a week in child maintenance from him. Sounds like nothing really doesn't it? The whole benefit/housing benefit system is so complicated, I'm going to go via the jobcentre and see if they can explain it to me. Fingers crossed!

It's strange, sometimes I feel okay. Except for money, I feel like maybe I can do this, and I'll be okay. But when it gets to night time especially, or I speak to him or my parents,or see an ordinary family, I feel so alone and scared, I know it's a terrible thing to say but sometimes I even wish I wasn't pregnant, I'm not capable. I'm not strong enough, I just can't do it. Pregnancy moodswings multiplied, eh? Just cant's stop crying. Really struggling to eat or sleep too, and that makes me feel even more guilty for being a bad mother, and my poor wee one hasn't even been born!

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been in a position like this? Any tips on how to sort it out, money, anything really! While I have really good friends, it's not really within your average 20year olds usual realms....

Thanks alot xx

Why is is that when you Google (I really like googling things!) "Single mum benefits", you are more likely than not confronted by comments from people (mostly men I must say!), about how they are all lazy, selfish slobs etc... Okay so I amn't technically a single mum yet, but in four months I will be. When I found out I was pregnant, it was completely unplanned, but my then-boyfriend was amazingly supportive. We had a flat, he earns a decent wage, it would have all worked out, and I would not have been living of benfits. Except now through no fault of my own, this isn't going to be happening, I have no choice but to live of benefits, which as far as I can make out is very, very little! This doesn;t make us selfish. Most of us are prepared to work our asses of for our kids. Heck mine's not even born and I love him/her more than anything and my biggest worry is giving her the life she deserves!

And as if trying to find an affordable flat wasn't enough, I have to write a disseration, and work full time! and you know what - it's really not that bad! Obvioulsy it's tiring, but I know I've got it easy compared to some!

And seriously, and I honestly can't believe I'm saying this, my biggest source of inspiration is the new Britney Spears album... have a wee dance about for 10minutes, cheers me right up, then I can go back to working or writing. and Baba seems to have no objection to it either! God, I must be cracking up!

I hope all others in blog-world are well too.

If anyone has any information on how much roughly single mothers are entitled to, I find the whole system very confusing! and housing benefits etc? and generally any inspirational stories that'll make me feel a wee tad more confident - that'd be great!

Well a brief history for newcomers to my life:

I am 20years old. ALmost finished University. Four and a half months pregnant. Two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. Yesterday he has informed me he is going back to his ex-wife, as he is worried the kids will go of the rails, it will mean the child support agency isn't hounding him and because he "can't afford not to". Charming, eh?

I have never written a blog before... I dont' know if there are any bloggin protocols I should adhere to... If I'm making any newbie mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me!

The purpose of my blog is that I don't know anyone else in quite the same situation as me. So maybe, should anyone stumble across my wee blog, they will be inspired at me story. (Which, yes, I know, is not very inspirational as yet, but I'm hoping that this story will get better and will turn into a single-mother-turns-life-around type things.) And heck, I currently feel like I'm in an episode of Hollyoaks so it might just be entertaining for you!

So, enjoy! I will be at all times doing my best to look on the bright side... and if no-one ever reads this but me, well at least I've found a new means of procrastination!