Just finished a manic 12hour shift at work. It's not a very nice feeling to work so damned hard and then kinda realise that you're only a flipping waitress, you're not actually making that much of a difference!

To cut a long story short, here's a breif update: I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. Ex is refusing to talk to me except for one obscure text at 2.30am the other night. All I do is work yet I have no money. Everyone expects me to be blooming cheerful all the time because, well I usually am, and of course i'm pregnant I should be happy all the time supposedly, so I can't really talk about it with anyone. Not to mention that none of my friends have ever been in this kinda position so much.

I love my baby so much, it's crazy, just want to cuddle her already... can't believe I have to wait another 3months!! Good news is she's started kicking!! It's such a brilliant feeling!!!

Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop whinging now!!!

... I'm sure the blogging world has been missing me Still not entirely sure about how all this blogging malarky works... but i now have four whole friends. Still a wee bit to go till I have as many as my bebo friends. I do love my bebo!

Just finished work! Working full time is proving to be quite fun at times, even tho everyone, doctor included!, keeps telling me it's not good for me as I'm on my feet all day, and I need to take it easy, stop over-stressing myself etc etc blah blah!! On the other hand, friends and others keep telling me how healthy and (goodness gracious!) happy I'm looking!

This is probably because of a few wee life changes I have made:
1. Days I don't have lectures, I give myself a long lie - I think i deserve it!
2. No sitting around in comfy pajamas all day! When I get up I force myself into the shower and out to the shop or for a walk, even when I really don't want to - Also feel better for it.
3. Nights I'm off, or even during the day, don't cancel plans I've made just because I feel a bit shit. When I do go meet my friends and stuff I'm always really glad I did!
4. Maybe an obvious seeming thing - but when I'm wearing nice clothes and makeup on and I look good I always feel better, so 10mins to make an effort in the morning is totally worht it!
5. At work, general chitchat with customers more. Especially the good looking men! It's good to get some banter, and well, if i make a wee bit more tips thorugh it, what the heck?

So yes, todays mood is optimistic. As are most days! Still worried about money primarily, and alot of other things, but the funny thing is I don't regret anything that's happened. My ex changed my life in a lot of ways - he made me more secure about myself, he made me realise I could make myself happy. He made me confident, not just pretend to be confident, about my body and everything else, and he helped me become a person I'm proud of, So i can't say I wish I'd never met him! I'd never say I wish i hadn't got pregnant, because I love my baby tho he/she's not born yet! and I can't say that I wish we hadn't split, because towards the end, we just made each other miserable more than we made each other happy, it just wouldn't have been good for either of us. Also I don't want to get bitter about men in general, and life and the world, becaseu in 3 and a half months, I'm going to have a little person to teach about the world. And while I am too trusting, sometimes to my own detriment and also seem to believe people are good even when they turn out not to me, I think that having this is alot better than being all twisted about life, and I want my wee one to grow up to love people and the world, just like I do...

Enough of this sentimentality!! Tomorrow is one of those long lie days I mentioned! Yay! I hope everyone else is well!